I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
