I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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