i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
