You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
