just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
