We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
