i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize