I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
