I can tuck mytits in my pants
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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