Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
