She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
