Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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