You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
