Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
