you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
