then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize