Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
