I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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