I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
