After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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