I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
