Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
