Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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