Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
