shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
