at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
