saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I need to calm my uterus...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
