Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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