I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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