So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
