She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
did you just send me my own nude
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
