corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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