Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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