so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
