yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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