i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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