Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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