if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
