Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
