i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
