Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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