So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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