My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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