I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
