I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
