I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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