And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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