Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
