I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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