Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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