she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
