Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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