That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
