we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
