Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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