You made me cry and you don't even care
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
