So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
