I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
