lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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