I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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