peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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