Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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