I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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