I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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