Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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