you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
