My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
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