New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
me + whiskey = a bad person
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
