Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
