dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
