it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
