and next time when you feel me up, do it right
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
