i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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