I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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