You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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