nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
