Will you blow on my dice?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
