someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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