she smelled like a LAN party
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
