I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
