He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
