Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
