I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
