this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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