So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize