One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
drinking out of a sandbucket again
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
