oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize