I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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